“She is a living paradox…”

He who wins in the argument about life actually loses in it.

Every one of us has his or her own version of what life is and how life goes. Each one of us is a hundred percent ready to give unsolicited advices. Yet, no matter how much equipped we feel we are, we really cannot figure out life. We can only do so much, and say so much, at the end of the day, life would just be coming back to us, reverberate and resound just like an old familiar song. And there is no way could we identify the lyrics and the tune.

Some songs make us feel blue, some make us feel glad, yet the most that we can do is to sing along, and no one from us can even sing like the original singer.

Last Saturday, June 27th (Virginia dateline) 2009, I went to Monticello, the home of the third US President, Thomas Jefferson.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness…

Sometimes, those things make more sense when we truly encounter the very source of that particular philosophy.

Only then was I able to deeply comprehend the true meaning of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness that Thomas Jefferson was trying unfold.

Also then that I started to discover within myself my own understanding of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

May each one of us become inspired and have freedom, liberty and happiness in our day-to-day living. More than that, may each one of us enable others to have freedom, liberty and happiness in their lives as well.

There are three things I am excited about:

1) I am going to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson, tomorrow.

2) I am going to Washington, DC, next week.

3) I am going to North Carolina, the home of Nicholas Sparks, next week.

June 20, 2009 - New York, USA

The Statue of Liberty is marvelous, awesome, magnificent.

I can’t help falling in love with the masterpiece.

What must I do to make you understand
You mean everything to me
Don’t have the strength to say
Give this heart of mine a chance
And maybe then you will see…

Refrain:
I’ll do anything, do anything that you tell me
I’ll be there, I’ll be there if you need me.

Chorus:
Reachin’ out to you
Do you feel it too
Lovin’ you is all I wanna do
I’m completely sure
I’ve never felt this way before
When I smile you know that there is something more.

What must I do so I can make you see
The light that shines in my eyes
You brighten up my day
You even help me find my way 
I wish you’re always by my side

Refrain:
And I can’t stop, don’t know how to stop thinkin’ of you
And I’ll do anything, do anything to be near you…

Chorus:
Reachin’ out to you
Do you feel it too
Lovin’ you is all I wanna do
I’m completely sure
I’ve never felt this way before
Deep inside you know that there is something more.

It is nice to live here that I want my family to experience what I am experiencing now. I am not sure though that they would like it here.

I can say that I am enjoying the place because I can have everything that I need here.

I want different variations of pasta and I just walk and pay a dollar or two. I walk a few steps and I can get the scent that I want in a reasonable amount. I got bottles of massage oil in which I indulge after a long day of training. I can get fascinated by large selection of books from a nearby store and elsewhere, as well as reading cards that I use for divinition. I got a Sony VAIO, a Canon A2000 and my life is a whole bunch of fun!

My family is happy for me back home because I am here and I am having the luxury of signatured items and enjoyable living.

I am not being overwhelmed; I am simply enjoying the fruits of labor and realization of dreams.

Can you read this?

A familiar sentence from a book keeps on resounding in my mind: “That is what you call inspiration.”

Writing. This is one of the things I miss the most. Being here causes me to write less simply because I’ve been busy doing new things in the new place. Although I did not really miss it that much (having changed my mind). Because my mind has been diverted to new things like legal editing, picnicking and shopping.

I am liking it here, although there are times that I run out of things to do, and get bored with the usual things that I do. Ironically, time here flies so fast yet so slow too. Imagine we just arrived at the condotel after a long day of training, and it is already 10 in the evening and we are reviewing for the assessment. This week we have three assessment exams. And on weekends what I usually do is spend money and buy stuff for my loved ones back home.

I am starting to like it here. We barely have less than a month to be here.

anonymous

I am a military girlfriend. I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be. I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no Military ID card, I am not a “dependent” or a parent. The man I love may face unspeakable dangers, and I am at the mercy of those who possess this recognition for news. I understand this and accept this.

I am a military girlfriend. I have promised to be here for him upon his return, no matter how long he is away. People may say I am insane for making such a commitment with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises and have faith that he will come home safe to me. I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

I am a military girlfriend. I hope every day that he will be able to call because a simple 30-second phone call can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions… smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy and pain. My relationship is based on a brief communication where “I love you and I’m okay” speaks more than volumes and gives me the strength to keep going.

I am a military girlfriend. I take no moment spent together for granted. I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word. I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice, and I play it over and over in my mind so that I will not forget. I cry myself to sleep some nights because missing him hurts so badly, but wake up the next morning, brush myself off, and start a new day.

I am a military girlfriend. The events of the next several months hold my life, my love, and my future in the balance. When you watch the news reports, you may turn away and go about your business relatively unaffected. When I watch news stories of the war, I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away. I see individuals who will be forever changed by war. News of every casualty causes me physical pain and deep sadness, and tears beyond my control.

I am a military girlfriend, not a spouse or family member. When you say your prayers for the wives, mothers, and fathers, please don’t forget about me.

I am or was sick. I felt that the sunlight had an unusual effect on me when I went out for lunch last Monday. I immediately took paracetamol to prevent the probable attack of fever or colds. The following days I had slight fever, felt unable to do strenous physical activities. I managed to take medications religiously. Last night, or was it this morning, when I experienced a nightmare or a night terror. I was alone in my bed (my roommate did not sleep in our room because I had fever), when I went half awake and couldn’t talk, move and could hardly breathe. Maybe it was really nightmare or night terror, or maybe I was just TOO stressed the day before that it made a terrible effect on my sleep. I could rememer that I was occupied with scary and distressful thoughts before falling asleep.

Probably this isn’t swine flu. It is just that my body is having difficulty adjusting to the new climate, not to mention the diet and lifestyle.

Shew! Go away! (fever and flu)

Please Lord help me, I want to enjoy my stay here!

To God be the glory!

It is just a big turn off when people talk about people. I do not want to be like them; I try not to.

I have never given much thought to how I would die.

Erm this is no Bella thingy or a review to Meyer’s Complications chapter. Rather this is a thought on the first few weeks of my stay in this old little town. Life here, as they say, is like being in the Big Brother House. We stay together with other people we do not know and it is nonetheless part of our job to know one another and to deal with each other well.

Since day one, I have already been experiencing things which are both within and beyond my expectations and imaginations. And it gives me a whole lot of mixed feelings.

I get to know different types of people, I get to deal with them. I enjoy it; and it is a whole lot of fun.

Largely I am feeling happy with my life right now. Why not? In the least, everything that I want are within my reach. I dreamt of things, I dreamt of situations, and in a blink of an eye, they happened.

The universe - God - has been good to me. In the least, I am making my parents proud with where I am right now. I am making my siblings happy because I am helping them. I am helping them enjoy the life that they deserve. And I always want to stay that way.

In the least, I am happy for myself because at this age, immediately after graduation, God has provided me with a job good enough and the job I never knew I always wanted, and He gave me the kind of space that I asked for. And He allowed me to experience a different taste of life - that is, finding it in the life of others, in the places I have been, in the things that give myself and other people pleasure. I am not sure if I explained it the way I wanted but I hope that, in a way, made sense.

Now I got what I wanted: happy and supportive family, people who love me and people who hate me because they love me, and enormous amount of blessings from the One above.

Yet I am willing to lose all of these for security and peace of mind. ;p Whatever you call it!

I am willing to - because I know I will - lose all of these, just for that one thing that will set me free! =)

But men I am so so free right now, like hell! I am out of my own country and I am far from my family and my bf, and it’s amazing, I can make it on my own!

=)

Yeah pay me for this! Whatever you think of it!

Note: This song has been heartfully dedicated to me by my brothers.

‘Cause she’s so high
High above me, she’s so lovely
She’s so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
She’s so high, high above me

First class and fancy free
She’s high society
She’s got the best of everything

What could a guy like me ever really offer?
She’s perfect as she can be, why should I even bother?

‘Cause she’s so high
High above me, she’s so lovely
She’s so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
She’s so high, high above me

She calls to speak to me
I freeze immediately
‘Cause what she says sounds so unreal

‘Cause somehow I can’t believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing’s gonna happen

(Tal Bachman)

Yeah ooh

We both know that I shouldn’t be here
This is wrong
And, baby, it’s killing me, it’s killing you
Both of us tryin’ to be strong
I’ve got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
And someone else who loves me
And trusts me fast asleep
I’ve made up my mind
There is no turning back
She’s been good to me
And she deserves better than that

Chorus
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don’t love you
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can’t let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart’s not free
We’re not meant to be
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don’t love you

I know that we’ll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I’ve got to be cruel to be kind
Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I’ll be sending
And you will never know
‘Cause there can be no happy ending

Chorus
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don’t love you
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can’t let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart’s not free
We’re not meant to be
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don’t love you

Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can’t stay
I’ve made up my mind
There is no turning back
She’s been good to me
And she deserves better than that

[Chorus]

Don’t wanna live a lie
What to do
Oh yeah

(98Degrees)

I can’t believe what i just heard
Could it be true
Are you the girl I thought I knew
The one who promised me her love
Where did it go
Does anybody ever know

Chorus:
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never beat this much again
Oh no
I just can’t let go
How do you heal a broken heart
That feels like it will never love this much again
Oh no
Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to let you go

And were you ever what you seemed
Or was I a fool who fell in love
With his own dream
And now you say you want to leave
Start a new life today
Those words I thought you’d never say

Chorus:
Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow I’ll pretend to
Wake and put it all behind me
And find that I have finally found

A new life
In my soul
And find that I know how to let you go
You go

Chorus:
Tonight I’ll hold what could be right
Tomorrow i’ll pretend to
Wake and put it all behind me
And find that I know how to let you go

(Chris Walker)

Of all the States in America, North Carolina is the one I am so excited to go to. My God this is the venue of The Notebook, A Walk To Remember, The Message in a Bottle and all the other Nicholas Sparks novels! When I go to U.S.A. I won’t and never shall I miss going to this place, otherwise, it would be a frustration on my part. God I am so excited; this will be a dream-come-true. The great good news is that North Carolina is exactly beside Virginia, the place where I would be checking in! This is so really great! I never thought I would be able to really experience the beauty of North Carolina, which I only knew through books, movies and pictures I used to read or download. Guys, remember A Walk to Remember scene when Landon granted Jamie’s wish “to be in two places at once”? He brought Jamie exactly to the boundary between North Carolina and Virginia, one foot stepping on each State. Great isn’t it? I hope to be able to take a picture doing the same thing! God I am so excited!