09.21.06
flight
I just feel so excited. This will be my first time to go out of the country.
Thank you God for this chance…
09.14.06
the pressure of competing
Today is September 14th. I was so disappointed for losing track of the date early this morning. Maybe it was because my mind was so much pre-occupied with a lot of tasks to do in connection to the school activities. But anyway, being busy in school makes me feel important and productive.
I can’t get the thought of tomorrow off my mind. I always felt excited about attending the Rizal Youth Leadership Institute. Especially last year when it has brought me to a national competition in Baguio City. Although the pressure of competing was there, I felt especially glad being able to visit the Summer Capital of the country. Aside from the gift that God gave me on that event, I would always find and recall the reason to thank Him for the irreplaceable present He showered upon me during those days of my stay in Baguio - the gift of friendship. That was and is far more than the award and medal I received during that conference.
Today, here I am feeling the great amount of pressure again. Rarely do I attend seminars without having to compete. And that instance is always given. I have experienced this several times and so I have no choice but to accept the fact. I am going there again to bear the name of my school. It is not I alone who is competing. But it is I, with my institution.
Competition is a matter that I take seriously. I am not a greedy person who may always desire recognition and praise, nor am I a proud one who would not let anybody get above me. But I have always put in my mind that every time I compete for my school, I have to give and do whatever it takes. Maybe this is what others call sacrifice. Doing something great not for yourself, but for others. Competing without intention of winning? I can do that. I have won and lost several times and I am immune to both. But to be chosen as one of the few delegates to represent my school is a privilege I cannot take passively. I said yes. Now, I shall say go.
Winning, for me, is not a matter of landing as first, second nor third placer. It is being able to share what I know, what I care about and what I want to do in order to ignite the flame of courage in my fellow people’s hearts.
Winning is the sibling of bravery - possession of the brave soul to stand in front of the mass, absorb the shock, and swallow every heartbeat that goes out of the normal pulse rate.
Being an audience is too easy. When watching a contestant compete, we can easily criticize and degrade him or her. Maybe because some of us haven’t really experienced the pressure of being a contestant. But when the time that your turn comes, surely you will utter to yourself, "Iba kapag nandon ka na."
09.06.06
heart that sings
ALIPIN
Di ko man maamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Di ko man maisip
Sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
Malabo man ang aking pag-iisip
Sana’y pakinggan mo
Ang sigaw nitong damdamin
Ako’y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako’y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sa ‘yong yakap ako’y nasasabik
Ayoko sa iba
Sa ‘yo ako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang ‘yong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang
Aso at pusa giliw
Sa piling mo ako ay masaya
Ako’y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako’y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sa ‘yong yakap ako’y nasasabik
Pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
Basta sa akin wag kang mawawala…
Ako’y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako’y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sa ‘yong yakap ako’y nasasabik
Pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
Malamig man o mainit ang gabi
Nais ko sanang iparating
Na ikaw lamang siyang ang aking iibigin
09.01.06
the miracle of “hi”
Often times we take simple things for granted. Little do we know these simple things can mean so much to our lives.
One day i was walking along the campus, feeling like a stranger. i was just walking straight ahead toward my room, heading for more hours of lectures and discussions. i intensely felt like my days were very much routinary. i would wake up early in the morning for the same reason, and would go home for the same reason. every single day, i stride the same pathways, enter the same doors, peep through the same windows, open the same books. i did not notice how tired my physical body has been, and how it has been longing to feel the comfort of my pillows, and how my lungs have been longing to catch more breath to at least regain the strength i have consumed.
For quite a long while, i just felt like a stranger to my own world.
Now i cannot just let go of this feeling of gladness when some people care to say "hi" whenever i meet them on my way to MB-40_ or to CMR-201_. These people do not have any idea how that simple greeting of theirs can awaken my senses and make me utter to myself, "Ang ganda pala ng buhay kapag nakakakita ka ng mga taong masaya." I do not assume that these people are indeed happy inside, but what matters is that they are willing to bring light into the lives of others - despite their dimming flames - for friendship’s sake.
reasons people would hate me
1) MUKHANG SUPLADA. yeah, definitely. ako yung klase ng girl na kapag naglalakad eh parang nasa kalawakang walang nakapaligid na tao, malayo ang tingin, parang walang kilala. pero subukan nyo lang na batiin ako, malalaman nyo kung anong meron ako
2) KURIPOT. syempre naman ano, wala pa akong sariling trabaho, di ko pera yung ginagastos ko
3) MASYADONG SERYOSO. malimit, ako yung huling tumatawa sa grupo, yung huling nakikisakay sa biruan
4) ALOOF. di ako mahilig sumama sa gimikan, or sa ibang gatherings
5) SOBRANG MASEKRETO.lalo na pagdating sa mga crush and the like, wala kayo maririnig na confession from me
6) LATE. maraming times na late ako dumarating…
7) MATAGAL MALIGO. yun ang unang inerereklamo saken ng mother ko, parang wala akong kasunod kapag gumagamit ng cr
MATAGAL MAGBIHIS. bago na makaalis ng bahay. dapat kumpleto lahat ang dala, walang nakalimutan. see also # 6
9) MABILIS MAGLAKAD. maliban kapag uwian, mas gusto ko mag-isa ako na maglalakad, papunta sa room, sa office or kung saan man. kasi may tendency na mang-iwan ako kapag mabagal maglakad ang kasama ko
10) MASYADONG TAHIMIK. minsan oo, di nila alam kung ano na nasa isip ko. palaisip lang talaga kaya ganon
11) MUKHANG MATARAY. magagawa ko kung hindi maamo ang mukha ko. tsaka gusto ko talaga magmukhang suplada (see also # 1). yung tipong suplada tingnan, pero kapag nakilala mo na, malalaman mong gentle lady pala at napaka-approachable
12) MOODY. minsan ganto, minsan ganon. as in, sobra
13) CHANGEABLE. paiba-iba sa maraming bagay, kung anong matyempuhan gawin, yun. kung anong maisipan, sige. pero hindi sa lahat ng bagay
