08.16.07
Gemini
I’m missing my bestfriend hershey. A friend is one who never fails to help me and pick me up when I’m down. Schel and I call each other myluvs:) And we consider our tandem Gemini..
Myluvs has told me so many things and I have learned a lot from them. We have been together since fifth grade and we’ve witnessed each other grow up. If there’s one person who can assess the life that I have had for the last eight years, it would be none other than Schel.
Myluvs knows my worth and my weaknesses, and we have learned to understand each other without so much explanation.
While she considers it otherwise, my bestfriend didn’t know that she also has been an influence and an example to me.
She is a person with depth. She finds meaning and beauty in all things around her. There are many things she knows that I do not know. Most of her words strike me in the deepest part of my person. Every time I would feel that my world gets heavier each day, I would always hear the words of myluvs saying, "Sino ba may kasalanan kung bakit ganyan ka, di ba ikaw naman."
Until today, those words bring me a mixture of feelings: regret for having lived my life too much and determination to go on.
I am faced with so many responsibilities today because that is the kind of life that I have chosen years ago. And whether I like it or not, I would have to live by it for the next three years or so.
"There is no turning back." It is one of those principles embedded in my totality. "You’ve said ‘yes’, now you must say, ‘go’."
It makes me more comfortable to go on than to give up.
But the idea scares me. It’s like I’m biting off more than I can chew. Yes, I’m biting off more than I can chew, and I’m chewing it. Even if I get exhausted at the end of the day.
The idea of life preservation doesn’t appeal to me now. Besides, I do not know so well HOW it is to really preserve life, how it is to really live longer.
Whether I do something to preserve my life or I don’t, it just boils down to the same fact that I’m going to die.
It’s just simple. Face it or commit suicide.
The latter is insane.
