08.16.07
Reality Bites
Haay…. napakamysterious talaga ng life.. naka2lungkot din sumtyms 
08.15.07
Presence
Mababaliw ako sa kakaisip sa sinabi ng sir LoAl sa Crimora class namen. Megakontra pa sya sa long distance relationship. Bakit nga ba hindi ako nagraise ng comment kahapon. Hindi ko tuloy naipakita sa kanila yung other side…
Personally, I would support long distance relationships. Distance is not really a problem when the lovers know very well how to work things out. Tulad nga ng lagi kong sinasabi kay Mam Anna, "Malaki ang mundo pagdating sa pag-ibig." I hope you are getting what I mean. You won’t commit yourself to someone just because he is the one near you and who is always "there". Love is too great a thing, and its value is too great as well to be sacrificed for shallow and unreasonable reasons.
08.09.07
only thing that’s free
The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die. - Edward Kennedy
Monday before midterm exams, we were talking about prices of commodities during our discussion in Microeconomics. I could recall that last semester, our Marketing professor once mentioned that the only thing that is free nowadays is love. But there I was listening to my Micecon teacher contending that love is no longer free. Dreams are the only things that we can avail of, for free. (smiles…)
During the times when I am down, I cannot deny the fact that I do not know whom to run to. I can see in myself the moment Virgin Mary was about to give birth to Jesus Christ. They were knocking on many doors and no one cared to accommodate them.
Sometimes, you have nobody whom to prove that you are tough. Most of the time, it’s you, and yourself alone, whom you can depend on. You are fighting against nobody but yourself. You try to knock on many doors but you only find yourself talking to your own self. No one cares to answer but you, too.
"You are smart, and you can probably figure everything by yourself." The words of my classmate keep on resounding in my head. I know and I can say that I can’t.
I want to prove to the world that I am so much different from the one that they know. I always look like I can stand on my own, and I am unbeatable. But the hell don’t they know.
I want the world to know that I need persons who will "really" be with me.
It’s just gets painful sometimes. I have very few people that I can say true-to-me. But they are far from me. And the people with whom I spend each of my days do not give me the chance to express who I really am. I do not know whose fault this is.
Truly time comes when I want to go somewhere else. I am half a prisoner, and I do not know how to escape. Or if it is right for me to escape. Guilty or not guilty? No one knows!
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I want to give myself a little present. It’s not because my birthday is coming up, but because I have been drifting for a long while. Yes, I have been feeling that I am going nowhere. That my endeavors are worthless. That everything is absurd!
Present for my self. The dreams that I have kept in the deepest part of me. Keep on dreaming, because I will never know when those dreams might come true.
Again, no one said it’s easy. For now, I will just hold on to myself and to what I have, while prayerfully waiting for someone who will truly be with me. A prisoner I may be, that person will make feel that I am the freest person alive.
08.07.07
online diary
Dear Blog,
Here I go again, facing another day. I am feeling numb…. I don’t know if this is because of the vitamins that I am taking, or I just begin to feel numb with what’s happening around me.
Until today, it’s still unclear to me where I am heading, or what kind of life it is that I want to live. I have been undergoing several struggles of knowing who I really am and trying to figure out what I want to become.
Numb and indifferent. Untouchable. Stoic. Taking in too much amount of pain. Learning to absorb it. Without feeling it. Feeling worthless at the same time. Where am I supposed to be? Is this the place right for me?
I enjoy driving my car too much. Yet I do not know where I am going. I don’t care about the danger that might be awaiting me. I’ve thrown myself from the edge of a cliff several times. But my injuries are nowhere to find. No traces of pain. No marks of wound. No scratch. They recognize my face, my name. But they do not know me. No one does.
I’ll travel around the world, I’ll lose my way. There’s no place I can call home.I’m all alone. Stranger to everyone.
Everything shall end. I’m vanishing day by day. Day by day. I cannot escape from the struggle. I cannot deny the pain.
perfect
Sometimes is never quite enough If you’re flawless, then you’ll win my love Don’t forget to win first place. Don’t forget to keep that smile on your face Be a good boy Try a little harder You’ve got to measure up And make me prouder How long before you screw it up How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up? With everything I do for you The least you can do is keep quiet Be a good girl You’ve gotta try a little harder That simply wasn’t good enough To make us proud I’ll live through you I’ll make you what I never was If you’re the best, then maybe so am I Compared to him compared to her I’m doing this for your own damn good You’ll make up for what I blew What’s the problem… why are you crying? Be a good boy. Push a little farther now That wasn’t fast enough To make us happy
