10.30.07

love stories and others

Posted in Journal at 9:16 pm by erald17

I really wonder where those love story writers get their inspiration. For one, what just happened to me is enough to make me believe that those kind of stories do not exist in real life. They are just there to make me fall in love and desperately hope that I would soon find a man with the likes of Noah Calhoun and Landon Carter. At the moment, I find it much easier to hope for nothing than to imagine myself falling in love with the world of lies and fantasies.
I am here to accept that the man of my dreams will always be of my dreams. And that will keep my doors closed in the meantime. Hey, Ma’am, I would not buy the idea of trial-and-error because I am never the kind of girl you would woo for trial-and-error. Once and for all, I  would always value honesty and honor.
To the man of my dreams, just keep on reading me. Read me and  you’ll get a piece of my soul.
After all, the man of my dreams would always be the one who would take time and effort to know me, and  I would just do the same for him. The man of my dreams would not wait until I tell him that I need someone to listen but would always do listen regardless of what time of the day it is.
The man of my dreams would make promises he would not break but fulfill.

For one more time let me say, "Seduce my mind and you can have my body; find my soul and I’m yours forever."

10.29.07

for one more time…

Posted in Lines at 11:09 pm by erald17

…I want to fall in love again,
and I will fight for it,
like a soldier dying for his land.

for one more time…
…I want to fall in love again,
and I won’t be giving too much,
not like the storm that heavily pours
and ruins mountains and trees.

for one more time…
…I want to fall in love again,
and I will keep it honest and true,
like an inspired poem
that never goes out of time.

for one more time…
…I want to fall in love again,
this time I will be careful,
like a naked woman lying on bed of thorns.

Thorns

10.28.07

new chapter

Posted in Journal at 6:36 pm by erald17

This is an excerpt from "The Tiara" by E.C. Barrett published September 2006.

"It was a nice feeling, you know. Editing my profile and all that. Once and for all, I hate liars, I hate heartbreakers, I hate insensitive people and I just hate that particular chapter of life. But somehow I am thankful it didn’t last for so long. After all, what is left basically is just me, myself and I. Yeah everything was wrong. And I am willing to accept it. Wrong time, wrong love, wrong person, everything. It is just so painful how everything suddenly twisted, but it actually seems that things will eventually end up this way. Don’t tell me what to feel, okay? Because I have learned that I can’t trust anyone else but myself. This will be a beautiful rewind, from the day we met, I will be continuing my story without you in it. Perhaps the time with you is just a commercial, very plausible yet too short and deceitful.
Loving you was never hard to do, and the same goes with hating you. I just learned that it is far easier to find reasons to hate a person than to find reasons to love him or her. But don’t worry, you are not the only one who would swallow words, who knows I might do it also later.
Second chance is unknown phrase to me, but who knows it’s you again who would introduce that to me. Hey, I always gave you that "first" credit, but I have also realized that the first is not always the best. The first will always be a failure, because one or two is so ignorant and innocent and stupid and demented.
Oh my God it was a big mistake of mine, thanks for correcting me.

P.S. It feels good to be alone sometimes, especially with cigarette and wine. Thanks for teaching me that."

when i have understood this

Posted in Journal at 4:55 pm by erald17

A letter to the one God prepared for me

I am wondering at this very
moment if you are thinking of me.

If, like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long
to find each other. Many times I
thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait
has not yet ended. I get up each
morning hoping, dreaming, and longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will
meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it
possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we
are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were right here right now because
you are the only one who has the answer to all my questions.

Sometimes,
I ask myself if I have ever really known “love”. I do not have the answer to
that question either but I believe that, more often that now, we will never really know what love is until we find the
right person…and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not
really know what love is! You just don’t know how often I dream of finally
knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment, I am
imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps, I’ll be drawn to
you by your smile, your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by
your silly little ways! I don’t really know for sure but I am praying that God
will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the
past and how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted
you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful
life ahead of me, the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart, I know that you are worth all
that pains and sacrifices. After all, the tears have been a part of my life,
slowly washing away my flaws so I’d be perfect, not it its truest sense, but
just perfect for YOU!

I
wonder if you’ve gone through so much pain as well and if you’ve been hurt so
many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don’t ever give up because I am right here,
patiently waiting for you. I assure you that when we finally find each other,
I’d slowly heal those wounds by my love. At night, I’d look out the windows and stare at the beautiful sky,
hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I’d utter a
silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens, thinking that in time,
they’d reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe
that you are on my way and that you are longing to see me as well. When I
finally fall asleep, you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that
is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much
I love you. In my dreams, you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your
arms of love.

And
this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with
the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality. Once
again, I am assured that you are worth the wait. By then, I would simply look
back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and
amidst  the simple joys in life – and I would be very thankful because
they all lead me to you. In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on
to our dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no
matter what happens. God has planned the course. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid
of getting lost; God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you
choose, lead to me.

 

*I do not know who the original author is. I just found it in a friend’s blog and liked it a lot… :)

10.12.07

usapang awards atbp.

Posted in Journal at 1:24 am by erald17

Yadada…yesterday it was. One fine day with CSO people. Pagsamahin ba naman si Sir L.A. at kuya Kitt. In the morning I was busy fixing all the papers for NDC. And so far, all were submitted. We just have to follow them up later. And then, yesterday it was… supposedly a review day for our "mayjah" exam tomorrow. But the entire day was spent in school conversing with dear people. Ano nga ba iyong discussion namin kahapon? Well marami. Maraming awards na naiisip ang magkapatid na ayala. Ipapangalan daw sa mga nagsiyao nang dakilang tao. At nadamay kami don ni kuya alvin. Oh, apelyido + award, san ka pa? Usapang Batangueno din with the likes of  Sublian at kapeng barako at Balisong! Megademo pa kung paano ang hawak ng balisong kapag papatay, ahaha! Plus, we were wearing black yesterday, di ba Rose? Tatlo tayo nakablack kahapon. Oh, walang kokontra. Pero syempre star iyong naka-orange. At namomroblema sa di maitindihang problema, hanga din naman ako sayo, kuya, hehe. Don’t worry maliliwanagan ka din later..Sabi mo nga, walang mali sa…. Oh alam mo na yun, decisions lang ang nagkakamali. Akala ko makakauwi ako ng alas-3 pero hayun stranded sa office. Hinapon kami kakakwentuhan sa tunay namang makabuluhang mga bagay. Question and answer portion, contestant no.1 Katz, no.2 EJ, no. 3 Me, no. 4 Jam, no. 5 Kuya Kitt. Two said yes, three said no. Kung ano ang tanong, sa amin na lang iyon. Matapos ang kwentuhan ay kumain kami ng Double Cheeseburgah! At umupo sa may gate ng school habang naghihintay ng bus. Magtagal ko na gustong itry pero kahapon lang, after two and a half years, ko nasubukang umupo sa labas ng lobby, habang takipsilim. At nakakatuwa pala yon. Pangako makailang ulit ko iyong gagawin, lalo na kung wash day! At sa wakas, nakuha namin ang sample shirt ng org, ang design na makailang beses nang pinag-isipin. Few transactions to go ang voila, here we are. Pero ang inakala kong paghihintay ng bus ang mag-uuwi sakin, hindi pa pala. May aftershock pa ito sa kiosk, na madilim kasi hindi mag-on ang lights. Guess who? Crying. I need not tell the story, private na namin iyon. After a while naman kahit pano naaliw kami sa kwento ni ate cia. At dumating din from basketball game sa open court sina vje,jme,at sir l.a. Eventually, bahay rin ang pinatunguhan…ko. Pero sila ay nagdinner pa sa may bus stop. Si sir l.a. pala eh nauna na kasi meron pang lakad. At ako’y umuwi na, na di maintindihan ang pakiramdam.

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