10.07.07
Posted in Four Corners at 4:21 am by erald17
Having read his blog…
Point of information. Point of personal privilege. Fallacies. How much I want to raise them. How much I want to comment. But I remembered what my parents told about me, "Ikaw, kapag naumpisahan, mahirap patigilin." The same applies. I do not know when all these are going to end if I, myself, would not let down my guard. Wounds, when not healed in the immediate time, would begin to rot…
Organization-wise, I was offended and insulted having blatantly questioned the people composing the org and the activities that it conducts. That is why it took some time for my emotions to subside. In addition to that, it was spoken in front of many people. It is a no-no for not all people can understand. I was really astounded, it’s as if he is or has never been part of this organization. It’s as if the times when we have worked together were forgotten. I should be sorry, because a member is not as passionate as the others. Worse than that, the heat of the moment produced negative and unforgettable result.
I should be sorry, because the one who did that is not just a member of the organization but also a friend…needless to say=(
Perhaps the pain is too much to take. And in all honesty I still bear it with me. To add to that is the pain of having to avoid the people involved because my heart could not take to speak directly to them as if nothing happened. That is another thing. Right, my first time to feel this way. I have never been this mad. And forgiveness is one feeling that cannot be forced. Mine especially has a time of its own. Needless to say, by the time that I am ready. I do not know when it will be. So long as the memory is fresh, so long as I have more grudges in me, so long as they would keep on telling the story again and again, so long as I am seeing people around me dealing with it everyday, so long as I can see friends…
I do avoid being too emotional. It is not so much of my characteristic. But I must admit that I am missing a lot. Blogs and blog comments, these are some of the things that brought the two of us together. It used to be that way before, we would update our blogs and we would comment each other’s entries. Of course who would not forget the overnight at Jam’s house before the exhibition. And the heart-to-heart talk at an ordinary bus going to Batangas City for Corpcom finals. And the palmistry and cartomancy, and our curse! This is not so much… this is hope… that things will really get fine.
Perhaps it just needs some time, to forget and to let go of the memories of all that happened. I believe it won’t be long…..
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10.06.07
Posted in Womanhood at 10:37 pm by erald17
Stories of girls. Stories of women. Em, Rio, Rose, Jam, Nikki, Gee, Clai - featured girls of the season.
A mistaken title up there. This is not actually about realizations. For of course, realizations do not happen in one night. It may take a lifetime, actually. It’s just that after having conversations with the girls yesterday and today, I have found pieces of puzzle that I can combine later on to create a clear picture.
The pieces of puzzle do not provide a whole image but they are components of its entirety. Words of wisdom are lovely but they apply in a case -to-case basis. But the question is which of those are we going to use.
Here are several lines that I have heard in the past years. Actually I have been trying to avoid words of wisdom or inspiration because lately I have found them to be bland. I am almost about to condemn them because these words are sometimes the ones that give confusion.
Yet there are some that I still like, lol! I heard it from someone, took it, and now I am saying it the way I want. To myself, and to others who might want to listen.
People will never appreciate. Even the ones who swore their love to you, they never will appreciate. It’s hard to push yourself to someone who cannot love you back, you would only hurt yourself doing it. See the red light - meaning STOP! ’cause you’re bleeding.
Feelings cannot be forced. They are raw and honest. Mahirap panghimasukan ang damdamin ng iba.
The true sense of maturity is realizing that no one is coming to the rescue. You can never expect someone to save you, save yourself!
Many commitments are mechanical. Relationships are threatening. Relationship is commonly defined as a pattern of mechanical devotion.
This time, trust is a risk. And it can cause trauma. Bitterness. Paranoia.
Sometimes, fear is a necessity. Sometimes, it’s fear that keeps things straight.
Communication is important, but know when to shut your mouth.
It can never be perfect, but ideas must never die, for as long as they keep you inspired.
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Posted in Journal at 9:47 pm by erald17
Totohanan na,tapatan na kung tapatan. Sabi nga sa Hamlet, "To thine own self be true!" Zahir ito - story of obsession. Blog ang takbuhan ng mga taong… iba’t iba ang hangarin sa buhay. Isa na ako don. Teka ang labo nito. Oh well, meantime wala lang talagang makausap nang matino. "All lines are busy now, please try others." Oh eh di eto. Anong magagawa ko,mangulit ng pwedeng kausapin, eh busy sila lahat sa pagrereview for final exams. Ayoko naman mang-abala, not the appropriate time. Kaya panindigan ang panata ng batang blog. Ito ang takbuhan. Pang 110th entry ko na ito since last year, go! Walang makapipigil, enjoy lang! With a smile pa yan…=)
Actually I have lots of things to do, but I am not yet in the mood of doing them. Hala sige maghintay sila. I can manage:)
Introduction pa lang ito…
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10.05.07
Posted in Journal at 12:36 pm by erald17
It has been so long a time since I last wrote a ‘real’ diary entry. My last was some time in December 2006. For whatever reason, I did decide to discontinue. And from that day on started to indulge myself in blogging. Yeah, that’s me - ang batang blog. If I would trace the history of diary inclination, it rooted from imitating Roni, the diary girl of G-Mik. I grew up owning a diary or diaries. Rather I grew up because of diary. Quite a question.
I can still remember how I heartily wrote entries in my diary when I was in Grade V. My diary, which is still with me, like a meter from my reach, will make up a pocketbook. It told of my childhood fantasies, crushes, secrets, etc. Needless to say, my diaries have been guidance to me. They show how careless I could have been had I done what I was so curious to do. They taught me how to laugh at petty mistakes and to treasure simple things like that of a love note or scratch paper.
My diaries are the first ones knowledgeable of the guys whom I had admired, the ones that keep track of my hesitations, trials, discoveries and realizations. The one and only confidante.
But as times advance, there have been some changes. Here comes the modern diary online called blog. And I was not spared.
Quite a large portion of my days has been devoted to typing blog entries. It is my fascination to look back to the feelings and thoughts I once had, for there is no one who knows the real me. If only blog were alive, then perhaps I have found a true friend.
Now is somehow a special moment, a chance that I shall grab. In the mood I am of writing a long entry with the hope of being able to release all the baggages and grudges I carry with me.
Until this time, I am still looking and waiting for that someone who will be reading my writings not for the sake of reading but for the sake of knowing me deeply. As much as I want to disbelieve, I would otherwise do believe that you will never be loved unless you’re known. Yes it is still possible to continue loving someone because of love itself, but it will be the kind of love that is weak, when the beloved is not truly known.
Until this time, I am still looking and waiting for that someone who would find interest in my writing for the reason of being interested in knowing me. I am tired of encountering people who have liked me because of impressions. Now I am searching and waiting for that someone who would love everything about me and appreciate even the little things that I can offer, and would take effort to share the life and the world with me.
Thanks to you if you have reached this part of my entry. But I would always feel disheartened to know that the one who is supposed to be committed in knowing my whereabouts is the same person who would neither read nor take a glimpse of this update.
Later in life there would always be wrong decisions, but I never expected that pain of regretting tastes sweet. And how powerful human anatomy is for converting a feeling into its extreme opposite.
So sad that diaries are only made for the past. They can never provide a glimpse of future stories to happen. Neither can the writer ever draft what will happen next.
I doubt if there would be discoveries on it. Diaries that are futuristic. The writer decides what will happen next. There’s the child in me again, this is just mere fantasy.
Diaries would just always remind me that there’s always a chance to reminisce the beauty of yesterday, for not all things stay the same.
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10.01.07
Posted in Published at 7:05 pm by erald17
One At A Time
A friend of ours was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along, he began to see another man in the distance. As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean.
As our friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach and, one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water.
Our friend was puzzled. He approached the man and said, "Good evening, friend. I was wondering what you are doing."
"I’m throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it’s low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don’t throw them back into the sea, they’ll die up here from lack of oxygen."
"I understand," my friend replied, "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You can’t possibly get all of them. There are simply too many. And don’t you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast. Can’t you see that you can’t probably make a difference?"
The local native smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and he threw it back into the sea, he replied, "Make a difference to that one!"
Jack Canfield and Mark V. Hansen
Chicken Soup for the Soul
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