11.30.07
Posted in Published at 6:04 am by erald17
A week before the Battle of Bull Run (also known as Manassas), Sullivan Ballou, a major in the 2nd Rhode Island Volunteers, wrote home to his wife in Smithfield:
July 14, 1861
Washington, D.C.
My very dear Sarah,
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days, perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.
I have no misgivings about or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halter or falter. I know how strongly American civilization now leans on the triumph of the government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain this government and to pay that debt.
Sarah, my love for you is deathless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break. And yet my love for country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly, with all these chains, to the battlefield.
The memory of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you come crowding over me, and I feel most deeply grateful to God and you that I have enjoyed them so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us….
If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, nor that when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been.
But, oh Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you in the brightest days and in the darkest nights. Always. Always.
And when the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath; and as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead: Think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again.
Maj. Sullivan Ballou
Submitted by Nancy Wong
Editor’s note: Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the first Battle of Bull Run.
Source: Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul
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11.29.07
Posted in Womanhood at 6:06 pm by erald17
I thought I would not be able to like it. Simple things like listening to music and sharing the fun of doing so. Sending some smiles and receiving more of them back. Texting once in a while - oopps - often times actually - and still being able to do other important things.
"It’s the simple things in life we forget
You hear her talkin’ but don’t hear what she said
Why do you make something so easy so complicated
Searching for what’s right in front of your face
But you can’t see it" - USHER
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11.27.07
Posted in Four Corners at 5:29 pm by erald17
"He is a military man."
These words of Mr. P.S., our Family Life instructor kept echoing in my mind. And until yesterday he still asks me about him just so we could see the significance of the subject matter in our lives. It will always be part of our lives especially during our long long search. 
The idea that he is a military man is something that I cannot separate from who he truly is. However, it doesn’t make any difference at all because he is still a man who can express his feelings for others, and his manner is something personal.
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11.25.07
Posted in Clouds at 3:51 pm by erald17
126th entry. Nov.26, 2007.
It’s a Monday again. My class will start at 1745hrs but hey, why do I have to go to school early like 1000hrs? Gotta talk with Ms. Judith regarding our community involvement, plus I kinda have to fix my papers. Hey it’s 45th NRYLI training on Saturday and I have to confirm my participation. And then the legal writing club, training has to start, unfortunately also on Saturday. Geeeez I won’t be around. And shame, Atty. Muria asked me to write a legal essay because the seniors are so busy with their theses. Now I kinda have to brainstorm for this one, kinda need some resources. Whew! Thanks Atty. Masangkay is there, please guide me Ma’am. Anyway I’m sort of excited!
And I’m sort of inspired…………………..
I guess this is a lot better. To be surrounded by responsible and disciplined fellow. I need to catch up, and it will be very good for me. Hey, hey, hey!
Oopps by the way, my hair is almost waist-length. When will I have it trimmed?! And I guess I am starting to regain my weight ’cause I am eating rice now, ’cause I often get tired from travel and school. But hey, I don’t want to get fat again for heaven’s sake. So rice, cut it down.
Books, by the way, speaking of them. I have bought a few books this semester: Administrative Law, Negotiable Instruments Law, Income Taxation and another which I need to get bound, Family Code of the Philippines. And know what, I really am enjoying writing now, taking notes, copying provisions. At least I always have something to do, minimizing my free time. And oh, some more books. I actually received two from Tics: Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho and Hugs to wrap around your heart. I really wonder why people always get to give me books I never had before, to think that I do have a lot of bestsellers in my shelf, yet have never received two copies of the same book. Quite amazing. And actually the receipt of the books is very timely. Whyyyy?? ‘Cause hey, I really need inspiration. Right now. Something that will keep me going.
This may sound crazy, but you know what, I sometimes feel that my time is about to come. ‘Cause I often feel sick and weak. That’s honest and true. But the rest of the world doesn’t know of this. Except for you who’s reading this.
At the moment I only satisfy myself with the things that are written, ’cause it is hard to put faith in what is happening, in reality for that matter.
It feels like everything is just a dream. One day everything is fine, the other day everything will just be gone. Sometimes I do not want to be searching at all, nor to be waiting, nor to be wondering. Sometimes my only defense is to drift.
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11.22.07
Posted in Journal at 5:24 pm by erald17
My mom has left for abroad. And this time I can truly say I am on my own. I have to be on my own. Even though I know that I feel fine with this, still there is a feeling of loneliness. She won’t be around for six months. It won’t be like the usual that we had, we would be calling out for her and she would not be as responsive as she used to be simply because she is not here physically. Anyhow I do not want to worry my mom with all the ongoings here at home because I want her to feel and trust that everything will always be okay even though she is not here to watch over us and check on us. Of course it goes without saying that I will always be the same responsible and diligent girl she has always known. And the same way I trust my younger brother to be as responsible and disciplined. I am just hoping and praying that she would always be safe and sound wherever part of the world she is. Besides there really is no place that far. Eventually it’s either she goes back here or we go there with her. =) Smile for life!
"No Place That Far"
WESTLIFE
I can’t imagine any greater fear
Than waking up without you here
And though the sun would still shine on
My whole world would all be gone
But not for long
If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There’s no place that far
It wouldn’t matter why we’re apart
Lonely months, two stubborn hearts
Nothing short of God above
Could turn me away from your love
I need you that much
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