11.16.07
Posted in Womanhood at 9:56 am by erald17
Like a child again…I find myself smiling for unknown reason. Circumstances are difficult but heaven conspires with love’s fate. The unexpected happens and surprises keep on coming. All the things that are happening make me look forward to every single day with excitement and delight.
Visible efforts. To which I agree. I am not blind, I am not insensitive this time.
I am safe. This is how I feel. I am taken care of. Even though he’s not here.
Yes I will keep on wishing on falling stars… Those wishes of mine might just come true…
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11.13.07
Posted in Journal at 7:30 am by erald17
123rd entry.
It is indeed a new chapter for me. Past still haunts me but I have decided to leave it behind and face brighter tomorrows.=)
Signs tell me to stop caring for persons who do not care about me at all and cherish those who truly appreciate me.
Lessons must be learned. Errors must be corrected. Mistakes must not be repeated. And persons who wronged me? I do not know where they shall be. Not hell but purgatory perhaps for the chance of some realization and transformation.
Closing the doors? Sure. For it’s my refuge. Sometimes I need to shut them so I could, on my own, find the answers I am looking for. More versions, more confusions. Besides, nobody but I know the real and true story. No love story by the way. I just thought that it was it. But the truth I found out, I was so wrong.=)
As of now, I have given up that portion of my life and I just hate to look back nor imagine what might be the continuation of that particular story. That was so unfair and I am doing what it takes to throw all the memories away. Yes it cannot happen soon, you see, ’cause I am still writing about it. But this is how I actually do it - releasing it - so it will be easier for me to erase everything that had taken place, as if every detail of it is but a dream, too bad a dream that needs to be trashed - dream that had never been part of my reality.
Right now, I am looking forward to that day when we would go back to being strangers, who never ever knew each other. That face I want to see as too unfamiliar, and doesn’t deserve a tiny portion of my time. That look in the eyes I would consider blank and empty, soulless and lifeless - someone who never came into my life.
Yes it’s very easy for me to do that. That person, whoever he or she is, knows that. If ever my words have hurt you, saying sorry is all I can do. But most probably you don’t care at all. I don’t too. Goodbye. For the first time in my life I meant it. Goodbye.
I’d be happy without you. And I swear it. =)
_______________________________________________________________
New chapter comes…
And I always have the right to be happy.
Thanks to the people who have loved me truly and have never left me whatever happened.
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11.11.07
Posted in Songs at 5:32 pm by erald17
How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound
Of a voice you’d know anywhere
Oh, I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me
Maybe you might have some advice to give
On how to be
Insensitive
Insensitive
Insensitive
How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart
It’s a crime to fall in love again
Oh, you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of vogue, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have
Some advice to give on how to be
Insensitive
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11.10.07
Posted in Journal at 4:27 pm by erald17
Happy and grateful I am!=) I wasn’t expecting at all; I thought I would not be able to make it. But I did. After all what I have been through. Quite tough, 157 out of 595 students. I am indeed lucky to be one of them. Thanks God…. thanks to all the people who have supported me along the way… parents, Sir L.A., kuya Kitt, Tics… I hope I could make it in the second round. Prayers… and I’ll take it from you guys. Salute! DLSL admin…Dean Erick, Dean Boy, Sir Taz, Ate Jhen, Sir Zernan, Sir Bruce, SG and CSO pipz, Ate Cia, Celine, Jerueh, my batchmates, everyone…Many thanks!
Carry on!
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11.02.07
Posted in Journal at 9:13 pm by erald17
Finally it’s over! And I am looking far ahead with a smile on my face and in my heart. Yeah right, I am and will always be the strong woman everybody has known. I may have had some failures and mistakes in the past, but one thing I’ll always be proud of is that I have bravely faced life.
There was pain, and I won’t let it remain, nor let it go away without it making me somehow a bit stronger and happier.
I have experienced pain greater than this in the past, and I will never let this little heartache destroy what will come tomorrow.
All of us are students of life. What we have learned in the past might be changed as we go along. Even our beliefs are not permanent, rather they are there as anchors so we could face each of our days with conviction and without regret. And no matter how firm we are as persons, it is always right to allow life to enter our souls so we could become pure and whole.
In the course of our lives, with aging and growing comes giving. But if we give out of love, true that nothing is ever taken away from us.
I had a choice in the past. I was certain. I knew what I was doing. But circumstances beyond control did not permit my choice to survive. But I will accept what had happened, with a whole heart. Mine was never really broken. I just thought so. Because I never did give it to anyone. The truth is I surrendered it to life while keeping it within my care. I just allowed one to look at it from afar, to listen at it as it beats with passion, and to wonder if he could eventually own it. But no, it cannot be his, nor anybody else’s. It is God’s, and I am its keeper.
I am whole, and will always be.
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