02.17.08

Savoring the drama

Posted in Journal at 8:20 pm by erald17

Nothing new. I won an award last Feb.16. Sometimes, you have to spill something which is not so important to you just to make your loved ones proud. Whether we like it or not, the achievements we garner in this damn earthly life is what makes our parents feel that their hard works are paying off. But to me, myself, this is just part of the ordinary days I have as a person. Hey mama I am just being normal. What am I gonna do? I am not actually achievement-centered. Well maybe it’s just that people sometimes get naturally recognized. I do not know much. But I, more often, tend to forget or rather separate the awards from the person receiving them. To me, what matters really is how a person deals with me every day, how open-handed, considerate, forgiving and genuine that person is. More often, how tough that person is in the face of publicity and false judgment.
These things are but physical decorations that, more often than not, conceal the real story within a person receiving it…
I ask, does it really matter?
This kind of thing rather puts more responsibilities and expectations on me…
Still, I value my privacy as a person.
I hate it when people actually look at me as someone who has won a lot, or has gone too far to reach, or has been to many places, or has won many battles. Duh!
I’d rather want to be known and loved as a person who also commits mistakes and enjoys the challenge of learning, and committing more mistakes, and eventually learning, again and again.
Okay then credit to the recognition, but damn please let us set it aside once and for all, and let me just celebrate my individuality free from any tag or label blah blah…
How about when all these things are gone? I hope I am still lovable when that time comes.

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02.14.08

A Happy Hearts’ Day

Posted in Journal at 8:35 am by erald17

GILBERT is full of sweetness; he made me so happy today….
(story to be continued.)

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02.10.08

Ending

Posted in Reflection at 10:24 am by erald17

This shall end. I need time for my self, my family. I can no longer prolong this kind of feeling; I have worked so hard, and I shall take a break. For many reasons.
Besides, all of us are going to die. At the end of the day, everything will just be a matter of FAITH.
I have always been moving; I can’t remember a time when I stopped. Doing so even made me commit a lot of mistakes. I committed a lot of mistakes because I never stopped. Never.
It is now that I need to pause. Primarily because I am losing my track, I need to get back. Without pausing surely I would stumble.
I need to stop for a while or for some time, to find worth and meaning in me… During these times when the world and life throw a lot of challenges at me.
I shall say, "Life, what am I compared to your grandeur, greatness and power? I am just a little worthless creature trying to climb up to the pedestal of nobility. I am not yet man enough to be with you, to stand before you and savor your kindness and beauty."

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I am married to life…

Posted in Lines at 9:48 am by erald17

…because I choose to live even though I have every reason to die.

…because I stay awake even though the world asks nothing from me.

…because I am here even though no one calls for me.

…because I insist even though the world itself is stubborn.

…because I indulge even though nothing ever tastes so fine.

…because I hope even though every thing is actually hopeless.

…because I pray even though many things are impossible.

…because I think even though life cannot be decoded.

…because I try even though everything tells me to stop.

…because I reach for something even though it is unknown to me.

…because I care to write even though only few reads.

I am married to life…

maybe that is why I am here. maybe…

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02.07.08

I BELIEVE I CAN FLY

Posted in Songs at 8:46 am by erald17

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I’m leaning on the everlasting arms
If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it

This is my all-time favorite

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