05.25.08
Posted in Songs at 5:32 am by erald17
Do you wanna be a poet and write
Do you wanna be an actor up in lights
Do you wanna be a soldier and fight for love
Do you wanna travel the world
Do you wanna be a diver for pearls
Or climb a mountain and touch the clouds above
Be anyone you want to be
Bring to life your fantasies
But I want something in return
I want you to burn, burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn
Burn for me
Burn for me
Are you gonna be a gambler and deal
Are you gonna be a doctor and heal
Or go to heaven and touch God’s face
Are you gonna be a dreamer who sleeps
Are you gonna be a sinner who weeps
Or an angel
Under grace
Ill lay down on your bed of coals
Offer up my heart and soul
But in return
I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn burn for me burn for me
Yeah
Ooh
I want you to burn baby ooh
Laugh for me
Cry for me
Pray for me
Lie for me
Live for me
Die for me
I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn burn for me burn for me
Yeah
Ah yeah
I want you to burn
I want you to burn for me baby
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05.13.08
Posted in Womanhood at 2:50 am by erald17
"It is our pride."
This is what I often hear from the proud kaydet girls. To be loved by men in uniform, for them, is a pride.
But what does it really take to be an ideal partner to your loved one?
Love sees what is beneath those snappy uniforms, in the same way that uniform is not enough to prove a man’s worth.
First half…
I told myself, I can only say that I love a military man when I love him even without his rank and uniform. When I love him for who and what he is when he’s home, for who and what he is as an ordinary man.
You look at him in the eyes and tell him that you love him not because he is a Lieutenant or an Ensign, but because he shows you the meaning of love and eternity.
Second half…
He is an ideal partner not because he graduated from a prestigious military school in the country but because he makes you feel as the most beautiful and most special woman in the world. And because he constantly cares even without you demanding for it.
P.S. This is what I have been longing to write for Corps Mag. Not in this style but the message is just the same. But even if this would not be published there, I believe that every kaydet girl/military wife and cadet/military man who would be able to read this would share the same insight and would pass it on to others who are in the same situation as ours.
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05.07.08
Posted in Womanhood at 6:22 am by erald17
After hearing the news…
H.B. and J.Z. are getting married in 2010, getting married civilly anytime soon.
How about us? We are not yet on… I presume that we are taking our time…
H.B. will get married before she takes up law. That’s her choice, that’s her life. That’s part of her plans. Both of us are KG’s (de facto) but we have our own personal and individual plans. It is good to understand that the two of them are planning their future already. It’s their choice, it’s their life. But throwing the question on me, it is not wrong to plan anyway. And to make plans which are independent from the plan of my future partner. Holding on to the truth that yes, I do not have a fiance yet so because yes, I am far from being engaged yet.
We were supposed to be on earlier, but God did not allow it. It is just amazing that until now, after almost seven months of courtship, we are not yet on. In the meantime, I am willing to push it to the limits. And let it be on ______ _, ____ (__-__-__). That is at certain conditions written in my diary. Yeah, h.n.a.m. Besides, he has a lot to prove, and h.c.w. And t.r.i.w.m., my s. and for me. _____ more months? ______ weeks… Kaya yan.
For now, I will make plans on my own… After college, I want to find a job, and I want to pursue law. I want to become a lawyer first, before I get married. Yes, if that is also God’s plan for me.
It is difficult when one is married already, and he or she has many plans for her family (mother, father and siblings).
Stability. That’s what I want. Earn money and save money, that is what I have to do… I want to build a house for my parents. The kind of house they both wanted, which, to my knowledge, will be located somewhere in Mabini. After that, I want to purchase a portion of land to be mine, in Tagaytay or Baguio.
And my husband? I thought it would be M.L. But I have to accept the fact that I will not be happy with him. G.T. is more responsible. And even though a part of my heart aches when I would choose G.T. over M.L., I know that it is the right choice. I should not be, and in the first place I am not, selfish to think of my own happiness alone. I love my family now, I love my future and I love the family that my future husband and I are going to build.
If it’s G.T., I want to get married in the Amphitheater of his Alma Mater. That has been what I really wanted since the day I saw that place, three years ago. If it’s someone else, I honestly do not have any idea yet. =)
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Posted in Reflection at 5:19 am by erald17
This is what happened to me when all at once I came updating my blog with no less than my private life, rather, my personal life, and when I was published in the Corps Mag 2008 Alumni Issue. Even though it hasn’t my surname on it. I never thought that people would really be intrigued with that is going on with my life that they would ever become interested in reading my blog. I do get surprised when I discover people who read it and find it inspirational and nice.
It is just out of fun and personal struggle that I put much effort in improving, designing and updating my friendster account. All the pictures and journals… Because that is the only outlet and rest that I can have. Friends and lovers can forget, but writings last forever. Those traces of my life story, my life history, that would last till the end of time. Those traces anyone can retrieve and which anyone can go back to even after decades or centuries. The people of the future would know, this is the kind of writing that existed during my time.
KISS FROM A ROSE
There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that’s the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you’re like a growing addiction that I can’t deny.
Won’t you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey,
I’ve been kissed by a rose on the grey,
I’ve been kissed by a rose
I’ve been kissed by a rose on the grey,
…And if I should fall along the way
I’ve been kissed by a rose
…been kissed by a rose on the grey.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you’re like a growing addiction that I can’t deny, yeah
Won’t you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
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Posted in Womanhood at 5:02 am by erald17
[originally written on paper, dated March 13, 2008.]
A lot of things… Worries, fears, thoughts… The Ring Hop, the PMA graduation, the exams, Gawad, future relationship(s), married life, future life…
This is the moment when I begin to ask myself again what I (really) want. Just when I thought I already knew. Am I prepared? Am I just scared? Am I expecting too much? Am I giving a little? God gives all the signs that I need, but I, myself, am not yet ready. ;c
I deeply remember the first time I surrendered, when I thought I was ready… But everything failed, everything crashed… Inasmuch as I wanted everything to last, every good thing to last. But reality is, we cannot have and do not have full control over all things that happen to us.
You know what, I know very well the difficulty of trusting again. Everything could have been so right, right now. But I cannot, and no one can, blame myself for having this enormous amount of fear. After all that had happened.
"I thought it is hardest to fall in love for the first time… But right now it is even harder to love again because my heart has been broken."
I want to cry so hard, because I fear. I want to curse pain for giving me this feeling. I just can’t accept that fear is devouring me that I cannot look straight into the eyes of love anymore.
"Sometimes, when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to remain open." (Paulo Coelho)
Yes, I stay, remain open to new possibilities. "Possibilities," because this is the only defense that I have.
It did hurt me to realize that the person I trusted threw my love away. But I have to stay strong and learn to love myself more… for genuine love’s sake.
Right now, I do not know what is true, what is real, what is false, what is wrong…
Right now, I do not know what I am looking for.
What I just need right now is to tell myself that I have to be strong…
"Please be strong, my Kaydet Girl…"
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