06.15.08

Kinda Excited to be back to school

Posted in Reflection at 10:46 pm by erald17

Namiss ko sa lahat ang pagsusulat nang mahaba sa yellow paper, outlining at memorization mnemonics. Namiss ko rin ang minsang nakakaboring na classes na minsan mas inatupag ko pang itext ang orgmates and other affiliations kesa makinig sa prof na nagbabasa ng textbook. Oopps, minsan lang naman… defensive kaagad hehe. Pero yun naman ang totoo.
Namiss ko rin ang pagbabasa ang mahahabang paragraphs sa law books ko habang nasa bus byahe papuntang school. At ang madugong pagsasagot ng essay questionnaires sa ordinaryong quizzes and major exams. Sa totoo lang minsan mas mahirap pa ang questions sa seatwork or quizzes kesa sa midterm and final exams.
Namiss ko din ang pagka-cramming ng homeworks na minsan di naman ginegrade-an, for advance study purposes lang. At syempre ang di malilimutang pagpaprocess ng org papers at ang pagpabalik-balik sa CMR.
Nakakamiss din ang makapigil-hiningang paghohold ng iba’t ibang offices tuwing kuhanan ng grades para sa mga requirements na dapat isubmit. Oh lala, wala naman ako masyado natututunan don. Hmm, I do hope to create some fun this time. Oh well, well, well.
Higit sa lahat, namiss ko ang pag-iisa… pag-iisa sa pakikipaglaban kung ano ang tama. Oo minsan nararamdaman ko na mag-isa lang ako lumalaban para don. Pero di naman maitatanggi na may pagkakataon na may kasama din ako. Pero iilan lang sila. Masaya na rin ako, kasi kahit iilan sila, naging malakas naman ang power nila. Lalo na ngayon. At lalo na ngayon na dumadami na sila. Team rocket, yahoo!
Iilan man sila, dumadami na sila ngayon, mga taong dahilan kung bakit may dahilan ako para pumasok sa school at danasin ang buhay, ang isang parte ng aking buhay. Maliit man o malaki, pilit kong ginagawang makahulugan. Mahirap man o madali, pilit kong itinutuloy.

                INTERLUDE: by Manny Pacquiao

"Para sa ‘yo ang laban na ‘to…
Para sa ‘yo ang laban na ‘to… oohh…
Hindi ako susuko, isisigaw ko sa mundo,
Para sa ‘yo ang laban na ‘to…"

Haay…… madami sadyang pagsubok, hindi madali ang lahat. Salamat sa tinatawag nilang monologue. Eto ang halimbawa.

Pero ayos lang, darating ang araw, may makakausap din ako. Itatak nyo yan sa bato!

Ika nga ng huling salita ng Teatro, "Sasamahan ko kayong buuin… ang nasirang pangarap…"

06.14.08

Feeling the Magic - A Letter to my Beloved

Posted in Womanhood at 7:57 am by erald17

To my dearest,
Finally it’s us. After all the frustrations and fantasies. Who would have thought things would end up this way. We were never searching for anyone when we met.But chances and choices conspire to bring our separate roads together.
After all the flowers and love letters, the pendant and the ring… Eventually it is us, a fairytale to those who know us, a dream-come-true to those who long for the same…
Now we are together, you and I. No one knows where this is heading to, but today is more important because both of us are happy.
We hope we got it right. We pray that this is it. Seasons might change, storms might happen, but please let us try to work it out, the best that we can.
It is nice to say hello to each morning and bid each night goodbye knowing that this heart is not alone. Two hearts are together beyond distance and time.

(To be continued…)

06.13.08

Hospitalized

Posted in Journal at 1:34 am by erald17

Bleeding won’t stop.
I’m on to the 7th day of my heavy period; I thought I would be fine. But I was wrong. A few hours later I was rushed to the hospital. We waited for the doctor to conduct a check-up to find out what had happened to my dear healthy body. Later that afternoon I was admitted to the hospital for confinement, dextrose was put on, and I was needing three bags of type A+ blood. I was about to collapse.
Afterwards, they conducted several tests. Yes, urine test, blood test, including pregnancy test for heaven’s sake! Yahoo! Ever a virgin here. =) An intra-rectal ultrasound - an uncomfortable process - would be conducted the following morning to figure out what has gone wrong with my reproductive system. We were keeping our fingers crossed. Voila! The lining of my uterus is getting thicker and thicker due to the absence of this hormone progesterone (if I’m not mistaken). That causes the non-stop bleeding. However, the doctor explained that it is not something severe or cancerous, and can be treated with medicine in a short period of time, and the good news is that, I am capable of bearing a child! Yahoo! No threat to that. I was so relieved to hear the good news. However, we still have to wait for the thyroid and another blood test result some time next week. I do hope that nothing is wrong. Plus my blood count has gone down, below 50% of the normal count, so I had to take dietary supplements after hospitalization, together with several tablets and pills that I have to take "regularly" (as in strictly in terms of time) for three to six months. This goes together with an alarm clock and a calendar to ensure that I am religiously following the instructions of the doctor. Tough, isn’t it? Especially to someone like me who is not used to taking medications or vitamins. Especially to someone like me who used to care less for my precious physical body.

What I have learned then… To worry less. To eat well. To sleep more. To take rest.

P.S. Not to forget, to let love reign! LOL! =)

More P.S. Thanks to everyone who stayed with me during this period of time, to those who texted, called and visited.

Yahoo!

By the way, ultrasound device didn’t devirginize me! Came out alive and yes, still a virgin.

06.01.08

Flatline ___________________________________

Posted in Clouds at 9:15 am by erald17

My life ends here. I need inspiration to go on. Someone to fight for, someone to make me strong. So I could live longer, so I could find hope.
My life ends here. And I have not lived long enough. Who would have thought it would happen to me. Not to anyone else. Only to me. And I am alone in this fight, battling against death. Death that comes to me, so swift and ruthless, inescapable, direct. Death leads to me, and there is no way can I run away. And I am alone, all alone.
I never thought it would be I; I thought it would be someone else. But it is I. Only I.
In time I have to face it. Time that is so soon. I need someone to be my inspiration, someone to make me strong. Someone to make me feel I am not alone.
But it is I, only I, who is next in line. So soon is the time to say goodbye. Goodbye to life, hello to eternity, to the never-ending, to timelessness…..
Finally I would know if there is life after death. Finally I would know what all who lived and are living have been asking for, what is next to life on earth. Finally I would know the answer, if there is God or none, or if there is forever.
Maybe, just maybe, forever there is, when I die.

For the third time…

Posted in Clouds at 4:58 am by erald17

A letter to the one God prepared for me

I am wondering at this very
moment if you are thinking of me.

If, like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long
to find each other. Many times I
thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait
has not yet ended. I get up each
morning hoping, dreaming, and longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will
meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it
possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we
are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were right here right now because
you are the only one who has the answer to all my questions.

Sometimes,
I ask myself if I have ever really known “love”. I do not have the answer to
that question either but I believe that, more often that now, we will never really know what love is until we find the
right person…and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not
really know what love is! You just don’t know how often I dream of finally
knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment, I am
imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps, I’ll be drawn to
you by your smile, your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by
your silly little ways! I don’t really know for sure but I am praying that God
will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the
past and how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted
you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful
life ahead of me, the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart, I know that you are worth all
that pains and sacrifices. After all, the tears have been a part of my life,
slowly washing away my flaws so I’d be perfect, not it its truest sense, but
just perfect for YOU!

I
wonder if you’ve gone through so much pain as well and if you’ve been hurt so
many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don’t ever give up because I am right here,
patiently waiting for you. I assure you that when we finally find each other,
I’d slowly heal those wounds by my love. At night, I’d look out the windows and stare at the beautiful sky,
hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I’d utter a
silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens, thinking that in time,
they’d reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe
that you are on my way and that you are longing to see me as well. When I
finally fall asleep, you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that
is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much
I love you. In my dreams, you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your
arms of love.

And
this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with
the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality. Once
again, I am assured that you are worth the wait. By then, I would simply look
back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and
amidst  the simple joys in life – and I would be very thankful because
they all lead me to you. In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on
to our dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no
matter what happens. God has planned the course. Don’t worry, don’t be afraid
of getting lost; God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you
choose, lead to me.

 

*I do not know who the original author is. I just found it in a friend’s blog and liked it a lot… :)