07.27.08
Denial and Assurance
I will try to divide and consolidate the topics in the best way that I
possibly can. By the way, it has been quite a while since I last wrote a really
serious blog entry. I missed this. This time I am writing something so serious
about my one and only, my loved one and my future. I am writing this article
with respect and with all honestly to my OAO. He is the kind who deserves both
– respect and honesty.
As much as possible, I do not want to dwell too much on the future
plans, especially on matters about engagement and wedding. I feel that I am too young to consider those things, not as early as now. However, there are times when my OAO mentions things about it, unknowingly sending me signals on how determined he is in making a way to many possibilities that could happen between the two of us, many possibilities that could take place in the course of this “commitment” which would eventually lead to the holy altar, as I just teased.
On denial…
Yes perhaps it was due to some heartache I have experienced in
the past, which brought back all the fears I once lost. Thing which made me
look onto the future with blurry eyes, with some sort of realizations that the
person I am with right may not be the same person I would be spending my future with. Thing which made me hold on to the present too tightly because at some point in time, “our future” would be non-existent at all. It happened once, and it can happen again. I am in denial. Because I try to dismiss the idea that has a touch of reality in it. I am in denial because I set aside the possibility
that the person who is addicted to me right now could be just an ordinary stranger months or years away from now. All others are too many to mention.
On the other hand…
On assurance…
This will somehow be a leakage of what I was supposed to confess to my OAO few weeks ago. On the night of July 12th, it was one moment in time when I felt that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with that man who was with me that unforgettable night. The other is when my OAO teased that if it were just that easy, we get married right now. He has no idea how much that simple statement could send a woman’s heart pounding for joy. The same is true when he came asking, “Can I have you for the rest of my life?” These are things others might consider as just of those pleasantries and romanticisms that would eventually have their respective downfalls. But knowing that it came from a sensible man gave me an air of assurance that this could be it.
I thought assurance is a word that is true only for women. I did not know that men also have it in their vocabulary. I never thought that both of us would have something called sort of an assurance.
Another thing, I hope he knows that in every relationship a truly good woman enters into, there is always the silent hope saying, “I hope that the man I am with right now is the same person I would be spending the rest of my life with.” No doubts.
