01.25.09

Best Thesis (For the Record)

Posted in Four Corners at 1:00 pm by erald17

I am simply smiling over the thought that our group garnered the highest points for this academic year’s BS Legal Management Theses. I can never forget how I asked and at the same time challenged Jerueh when we were just starting if we can make our work the best thesis, although I was so doubtful that time because we haven’t accomplished that much. I was almost always nowhere to find during meetings and working days due to inevitable other meetings and appointments. Good thing my groupmates are very understanding. H­owever, during th­e last few days before submission I started sending my VP to attend several “fatal” meetings just for us to be able to efficiently finish our paper. During the last few days we were literally living under the same roof (Thanks to Avida Residence). The last few days or weeks are the most unforgettable. We have been through hundreds of editing, revisions, reprinting and re­editing. Until finally we could­ say that there could ­only be 3% overlooked correction in our paper. But that was before undergoing the defense.

Then our big day came. We were third to defend out of a total 9 paper presenters. During the first fifteen minutes we were able to present the way we practiced several times. Then came the questions and recommendations portion. They had very few questions and clarifications on our paper and some recommendations. With the way we, particularly I, had answered, and the recommendations that the panelists had laid down I really thought that our paper would be rated­ under content revision –to be graded around 87%. I was already disappointed. But when we were called back to the room after deliberation… taaddda­aa!!! We got the highest so far out of the three groups that presented. Whew! At least. That made us all smiling and satisfied. ­Then came other presentations ­­- group after group. Eventually, after the final group was deliberated, our paper was proclaimed Best Thesis. Kudos to you (Kuya Ian, Ate Vee, Jerueh) groupmates!­ Not to forget Granny!

01.04.09

Dig the Hole

Posted in Clouds at 9:15 am by erald17

It has been a long while since I last wrote an entry. Here I am now at the dormitory crushing myself into emptiness - feeling guilty and sorry for all the mistakes and shortcomings that I have done - in the past and in the present. Truly there are many people who shall feel sorry for me. Because I have changed into somebody else I never was. Somebody else I never believed would be me - a total stranger to even the tiniest figment and fiber of my partial and whole being. There is a strong willingness in me to fix my life piece by piece, little by little. Because I have gone so far and so worst in destructing and ruining my whole damn beautiful life. There are so many broken and imperfect relationships that I have had, yesterday and today. There are relationships that I could have kept flourishing, and unwavering, and shining, shimmering splendid. The person that I have become and what have been known to many is far, far below the rightful person that I should and must be. And here I am now at the breaking point - at the dilemma - at the crossroad - of seeing a promising sunrise or surrendering to the enveloping darkness of sunset.

Yes there are a thousand reasons to cry a bucket of tears. And those tears can never ever wash away all the sorrows that are bountifully growing in my heart. For one out of a thousand reasons, those sorrows are the only creatures alive inside myself.

I pity myself. In an enormous amount that anybody cannot possibly imagine. Pity. Pity. Pity for myself. Because for some irrevocable, incomprehensible and inexplicable factors, or reason, I am living a life that I do not deserve. (crying…)